Communicating Ahead

Thanks to my course colleagues who had to be trusting enough in this class and in past courses to divulge failures in personal and professional communications along with what worked. It is because we have been supportive of each other that we have been able to speak frankly about our experiences, beliefs, successes, and failures. Such support has been encouraged and nurtured by Dr. Myers. May we continue to be as supportive of friends, family, and colleagues as we continue our careers in the Early Childhood Field.

Team Building and Collaboration- Adjourning

     As I have considered the groups in which I have been involved, I recognize that whether formal or informal, we have had some sort of closing ritual. The Recognition Committee which I recalled for its lack of clear vision did indeed have a most effective closure. The committee met twice more after the training institute to review the session evaluations, and then to make notes for the following year's committee. A less formal family planning committee for my parents' 50th wedding anniversary conducted meetings before the event, but really had no formal adjournment, though the clean up after the guests left was a time of discussion and planning for the future. The event is recounted frequently at family functions.( It was a smashing success, a highlight in our family history.) In both experiences, there certainly was no sadness at separating from the group or meetings. The goals were very clearly reached, successfully, and there was no need to feel anything but positive about moving on to the next adventure. Both our text (O'Hair & Wiemann, 2009) and The Five Stages of Team Development: A Case Study (Abudi, 2010) indicate that the stage of adjournment brings sadness at separation. I disagree. If the outcome was successful, and if relationships are strengthened, why wouldn't separation from the project be a natural transition to the next activity? I find that at the end of such a group effort, there is plenty of work and play waiting for me, and I am not sad to move on. I will not be sad to have successfully completed my studies at Walden, and if I continue to build relationships that have begun here, all the better. Mission accomplished.

References:

Abudi, G. (2010). The five stages of team development: A case study. Retrieved from http://www.projectsmart.co.uk/the-five-stages-of-team-development-a-case-study.html



O’Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2009). Real communication. New York: Bedford/St. Martin’s.

Non-Violent Communication and Conflict Management

I have recently experienced yet another communication conflict with a sibling, the same sibling. Her initial attack was not focused at me, but towards a brother in the audience of the rest of us, via e-mail, the great impersonal channel. The root of the conflict was money. Surprised? The conflict between us was triggered by a combination of unbalanced costs and rewards and incompatible life goals in that money is not as important as strong and loyal sibling relationships. Through brief e-mails, we tried to discuss options and alternatives and also to debate and argue the merits of both sides of the disagreement. A plea for her to consider the outcomes of her actions and communications affecting her and the others was met with verbal combativeness. I, and I believe the other four siblings, have resorted to separation from her until such time as she can become more other-minded in her behavior and communications. I have evaluated this outcome to be lose-lose. No one wins from family estrangement. Perhaps the time of separation will allow healing enough to repair the family relationships. This is the most appealing non-violent strategy that I have been able to comfortably use in such an emotion-filled conflict.

Who Am I as a Communicator?

        The first most surprising result of the communication evaluations that I took and compared with others' assessments of me came from my brother's evaluation of my level of verbal aggression, "Significant", far above scores from two other evaluators. When he saw the description of the score he earned for me, he became concerned that the assessment was too harsh. Together we reconstructed the test and answers, and he explained his reason for each one, still scoring in the "Significant" range. He then took the test to evaluate his own verbal aggression level, and scored also in the "Significant" range. He believed that the answers he gave did not add up to the description of a significantly aggressive verbal communication style. That his was the only score difference among the evaluators was the first part of the surprise, but that he evaluated himself in the same range as how he evaluated me also caused me to take a closer look at why such a disparity had occurred. I project that the difference in score came from two schemas that were not possessed by the other evaluators; He is a male, and he is a self-employed businessman. I had considered that perhaps I change my communication style to match his when we converse or debate issues, but I believe that the results came from his perception of my verbal style based on his experiences with me as a colleague in business, his business partner schema. The other participants were younger females in non-business roles, and evaluated me almost exactly the same as my personal assessment. Because my current colleagues are mostly younger females in non-business roles, I am unconcerned with being perceived as verbally aggressive. If I return to a business career, or if I have the opportunity to communicate with early childhood education funders who are business people, I may possess an adequately aggressive style to be noticed and heard by men who may perceive aggression in communication with a different schematic lens.